Today in job listings that exude a menacing aura: Sega is looking to hire a Sonic loremaster to keep track of the blue hedgehog’s canon and non-canon antics.
If you have a degree in the arts and just so happened to be doomscrolling through the job hiring website, LinkedIn, you might’ve come across a job application from Sega of America for a lore associate manager for the Sonic Team. Yes, Sonic has established lore within its video games, movies, and its low-key slept on comic books. Though many might be scratching their heads at the existence of Sonic lore, one doesn’t simply go fast without having a pre-established reason to. Over the past 31 years of Sonic’s existence, the hedgehog’s lore has involved a plethora of bizarre storylines like him being cuckholded by Shadow after the Hot Topic hedgehog stole his then-girlfriend, Sally, and his often-brought-up smooch with a human, which has been burned into everyone’s memory. So you can see why Sega is in dire need of someone to keep the blue hedgehog’s lore straight.
As the name would imply, the responsibilities of the lore associate manager include reviewing and verifying story content for “accuracy and consistency” as well as brainstorming, script writing, and providing feedback for new Sonic stories and characters. The loremaster job listing also happens to coincide with the release of Sonic Frontiers on Xbox, PlayStation, PC, and Switch tomorrow.
“With both project management and creative duties, you will be immersed in the organizing and shaping of Sonic lore, canon, characters, and universes, helping to bring consistency, connectivity, and creativity to all things Sonic across various forms of media including games, animation, comics, and more,” Sega of America wrote in the job description.
As of the time of writing, the job is listed as a full-time mid to senior-level position within the company. If you’re looking to throw your hat in the game, you’d be in a pool of 371 other Sonic fanatics, 136 of whom are entry-level applicants and 54 qualifying as senior-level applicants.
Sonic’s expansive lore has provided both fans and bystanders alike with a treasure trove of good and “lawfully evil” phenomena over the past 31 years of the character’s existence. On the one hand, you’ve got hidden gems such as the 1996 Sonic OVA, Machinima’s YouTube comedy series Sonic For Hire, and YouTuber SnapCube’s hilarious real-time fandub series.
Then there’s the dark side of Sonic fan lore. Last year when then-President Donald Trump tried to launch the social media website, GETTR, off the ground it was met with leftist Sonic memes, furry vore artwork, and—of course—mpreg art. This just goes to show that championing a “free speech, independent thought and rejecting political censorship and ‘cancel culture’” Twitter alternative can lead to hashtags like #sonicfeet, #sonicismygod, #soniclovescommunism, #sonicmylove, and #sonic_came_in_my_bussy running wild in your virtual town square.
If it were me getting hired as the “lore guy” for Sonic, I’d make reciting the theme song for the ‘99 cartoon, Sonic Underground, mandatory before the start of any lore meeting like the Pledge of Allegiance. It is important to not forget your history.